Amy LedyardComment

When Nightmares Come True

Amy LedyardComment
When Nightmares Come True

I share a lot here about dreams, and I've been blessed to also be able to share about the many ways those dreams are growing and coming true. It's a crazy life but a really, really good one. Our 5th anniversary is coming up in a few days, so I'm super excited to share the third part of The Story of Us (check out parts one and two if you haven't already) next week; we have two beautiful girls who make the world a sweeter and brighter place; I'm growing and learning so much, and it shows in the growth my photography business is doing right now. Really, life is a great thing.

But that doesn't mean it's all chocolate and sunshine. I wrote last summer about the scariest day of my life, hoping and praying that it would never be repeated. But then, it was repeated. Afton started running a fever this past Sunday; it wasn't a high fever, so we thought maybe it was teething related since she'd been showing signs of maybe cutting her 2 year molars. Monday dawned and, again, her temp wasn't very high, but, knowing that she'd had that one febrile seizure last summer, I went ahead and gave her Tylenol for good measure. 15 minutes later, she was sitting on my lap when she suddenly jerked once. I looked down and recognized the "nobody's home" look in her eyes and knew that my nightmares were coming true. The whole thing lasted maybe 2 minutes, and when the EMTs arrived her temp was over 103; we went to the ER, and, though it took longer this time, she did bounce back to her normal self and has been going strong ever since. It's a respiratory infection this time that we're treating, and, like I said, she's doing great now.

I hesitated to share this at all, but, above all, I want this to be a place of honesty, transparency, and vulnerability, and, since it's my blog, that starts with me. 

So, I share this, not to gain your pity, but to let you in on some of the things I struggle with. I don't have all (or even most) of the answers, and I often catch myself wishing that my children were all mine (and not at all God's) because I want to control all the things. I wish babies were born with a written-in-stone guarantee that they would live long, happy, healthy, pain-free lives. Unfortunately they don't come with such promises; fortunately, I'm not in control because, let's be honest, life would be pretty lousy if it were allllll up to me. 

I also want to encourage you because, even though watching my baby go through this again was absolutely horrible, I can look at the situation and see how God was still watching out for us. Husband had already gone to work, but we had a friend visiting who was able to call 911, call Kyle to get him on his way home right away, and watch Adia until Kyle got home so I could go with Afton in the ambulance.

All that to say, even in the middle of the worst, scariest, darkest nightmare, God is still there; He is still good; He is still in control. And, above all, He still loves each of us beyond our furthest comprehension.