Amy Ledyard7 Comments

5 Things You Should Never Say To A Pregnant Lady--And Alternatives

Amy Ledyard7 Comments
5 Things You Should Never Say To A Pregnant Lady--And Alternatives

As we're rounding the corner and heading into the last month of this pregnancy, I've been thinking a lot about the insensitive and sometimes rude or stupid things people say to pregnant ladies. I thought I might address a few of the things you should never, ever say to a pregnant momma and offer a few alternatives.

1) Oh my goodness! You're HUGE!!

Really? This should be a no-brainer. I mean, when is it ever acceptable to tell anyone, let alone a female and least of all a hormonal pregnant lady who hasn't been able to see her toes in months and is very aware of it, that they're huge? Is that ever anything less than rude? Just...don't.

Other safer and kinder options include but aren't limited to:

A) You look great!

B) You're glowing!

C) You have the most beautiful _________________ (insert appropriate noun here; ideas include eyes, smile, hair, etc.)

2) What? You're STILL pregnant?!?

Friendly tip: by the end of pregnancy, most people are tired of maternity clothes and ready to not feel like a beached whale. We are still well aware of the miracle that is happening inside our bodies, but we are excited to meet our coming little one and are, on some level, starting to fear that we're going to be pregnant for the rest of our lives. Pointing out the very obvious fact that someone is still pregnant is like rubbing salt in a wound. I feel very sure that there has never been a woman who stuffed pillows under her shirt after her baby was born in order to achieve that 8 months pregnant look, so this "question" is really unnecessary.

Other safer and kinder options include but aren't limited to:

A) You're so beautiful!

B) Wow! You're so close! You can make it!

C) I'll be praying for you for a safe birth and a healthy babe.

3) Is it twins?

This is just a more subtle way to say #1. Twins are a beautiful thing, and I would love to one day have twins. However, it is never a good idea to assume, especially when you consider how rare twin births actually are, that a woman is pregnant with twins. And if she volunteers that there are, in fact, multiple babies in there, give that woman your hearty congratulations and buy her a pack of diapers. Or, if she's into that sort of thing, a bottle of wine. Both would also be acceptable.

Other safer and kinder options include but aren't limited to:

A) What a blessing!

B) You look stunning!

C) Congratulations on your coming baby (or babies if she has volunteered this information)! Here, have a/some _______________ (thoughtful gift).

4) Oh wow, you must have a 10-pounder in there!

This one is often a follow-up to a "no" answer to #3. As much as all women love to think about the prospect of pushing a 10-pound human out of their bodies and the havoc that could wreak, it's probably best to not mention this one to any mom-to-be. There are already enough fears swirling around in their brains as they prepare for labor, and, trust me, this one has already occurred to them. So, don't add to the fears. And don't "confirm" the possibility of one they already have coming to fruition.

Other safer and kinder options include but aren't limited to:

A) You are simply gorgeous!

B) You don't look that pregnant to me.

C) You can do this, momma!

5) You do know what causes that, right?

This is typically reserved for the women with children close in age and those with large families. It's never acceptable, either. I doubt there are many adult women with multiple children who haven't yet figured out where babies come from. And, even if there are, it isn't your job, oh stranger in the grocery store check-out line, to educate them.

Other safer and kinder options include but aren't limited to:

A) You have a beautiful family!

B) What precious children!

C) Here, have a/some ___________________ (thoughtful gift).

All that to say, you never know someone's struggle. I could make dozens of similar lists for things like "what not to say to the childless couple" and "what not to say to single adults" and "what not to say to single moms" and on and on the lists could go. So, let's just keep our words kind and encouraging. And, as the old adage goes, if you can't say anything nice then you should probably just not say anything at all.

For the next couple of weeks, I'll be linking up with another blog each Monday. I would love to for each of you to visit these other blogs and give them some love. This weeks blog has tons of great, fun, educational ideas for moms with littles. Please check out The Art Kit Blog!

I have again been published on Her View From Home, AND I am officially a regular contributor!! Please check out my latest piece here!!